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Posts Tagged ‘“Trust the Process”’

By tomorrow, I will have experienced all program components of Public Allies in only 3 days time.  Breakdown:

Yesterday:
9 Hours of Placement
2 Hours of Coaching
2.5 Hours of TSP Planning Meeting

Today:
7 Hours of Training

Tomorrow:
4 Hours of SPEAK UP!

It’s all coming together, and it feels like as an entire cohort, we’re really onto something different, something good, something unheard of according to the Program Managers.  Still vague, still confusing, but I think we’re planning something great.  Note to self though: after all the planning is through, execution and adaptation are still key.

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These last two days of training were just super intense for me. I mean talking about Power, Privilege and Oppression isn’t easy to talk about anyway and then you tie it Racism and it’s intense. I keep with me during training a little notebook to write down my thoughts while we are in discussions. It helps with my learning disability to process the information. Anyways, every time I started feeling anxious, or uncomfortable I wrote down in BIG letters down the page “TRUST THE PROCESS.” I have to admit…must easier to just write it down then to really trust the process.

For me, I haven’t taken much thought into how my race ties into the other parts of my life. I do know that yesterday was really eye opening for me, and really uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable because I didn’t know how to even respond to some of the things we talked about because of my lack of experience.

I did however share an experience I had with interpersonal oppression.  Which to give you some background is a difficult thing for me.  I don’t really share at all in the larger group, but have set goals for myself to share at least once every training. But that’s straying from what I meant to say…Hmm…what was i saying….

 

Oh that’s right my story…

So, i shared that story for the first time ever with anybody, let alone a group, and it was such a great experience for me.  I felt supported and better for sharing and letting it out.

On a side note, this process of being a Public Ally is just getting hard for me.  I’m feeling very stressed, and very overwhelmed.  I know that this means it’s time to access my support system, and reach out.  *sigh*  I think i’ll also go with what Ryan talked about and add a little humor! 🙂  Laughing is sometimes one of the best medicines.

I found the perfect quote to fit what I felt like because after training I felt like my mind had just exploded with information and I was wandering around trying to process…which led to…

“Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.”

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During one icebreaker where allies were asked to quote a line from one of their favorite movies, I tried to mimic the imperial scout droid sent to scan the planet Hoth.

…I’m referring to this memory because today was a long, tense, and draining day of training on power, privilege, & race, followed up by a much-needed TSP debrief.  So what I’m doing is digressing to a humorous moment to avoid processing a more tense situation.  Just a part of my own process…

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